😍Queen of Evasia 2

This is the second Queen of Evasia poem written by myself February 21-22, 2005. There is a third somewhere too. I'm hoping one day that I wont be able to write these anymore.....

QUEEN OF EVASIA-PART 2

My Queen,

I apologize for accusing...

Accusing you of evading me.

Evidently,

You are waiting for me.

As the sands rain,

The bottom of my hourglass

Fills with loneliness

And pain.

But each dusty trickle

Infuses a new sparkle

Of Wisdom

Of how to make your eyes sparkle...

And your dimples to twinkle.

I keep referring to you anonymously

Because my presence has missed yours

Tremendously.

Just want to meet you

Keep you

And give you all of me.

What an investment!!

I cant wait to poeticize our testament.

To verbalize the flames

Of a righteous torture

An epic of sacrificial proportions

A destiny in invisible spirit language.

All these other pursuits

Are garbage.

If I never get to join with you

Then my 15-year dream shan't come true.

I cant let go

I'm holding on to our fantasies

Like their aint no tomorrow.

These inked out emotions

Cannot be contained by space.

The critical mass

Of this light sped equation

Blesses me with an energy

Squared to completeness

And essential to my existence.

Maybe, just maybe,

I'm a little crazy

But that's my summation

Of my story.

Just like you

I've been lost too.

That's why I cant wait to experience you

So my nightmares can be through.

But the last thing I wanna do

Is have you

And then have to lose you.

I know you'll stay

And bring peace

Along with your baggage

When you come my way.

Are you on the Light Rail,

Sitting in welfare's jail,

Or living about 10 other kinds of HELL??

Are you crying right now?

I know you're gonna survive

And we'll sip mango juice

While you tell me how.

So I aint mad atcha.

But I miss ya...

And I'll never stop dreaming boutcha...



Quorizzzzzzzma

Queen of Evasia 1

The year is 2004. The month is October. I'm alone. Brand new city two thousand miles from home. San Jose. No family. No friends. No girlfriend. So I did what any other writer would have done. I wrote. I wrote about my frustration with finding ALL the wrong people and never finding the right ONE but for SOME reason I keep having the feeling that I JUST missed her. Like she moved away from Memphis right when I got there in '97 or maybe she moved to SoCal when I got to San Jose in '04. Or maybe I had her and let her go... She is out there. She isnt happy cause she hasn't found me. But she knows I'm close too. We just haven't bumped into each other yet. Its like she is unintentionally evading me...like criminals evade police...and get away. This would be the first piece and, as I am still waiting for this "cosmic bump", I'm sure more will follow. I hope you enjoy Queen of Evasia: Part 1...

QUEEN OF EVASIA

PART ONE


God, my Queen has evaded me.
Is there really a Queen for me?
I don't think I ever met her.
Will we ever find each other?

I wanna love forever my Eve
But somehow I just get deceived.
My fault, Father? For real??
Tell me, how does she feel?
Is she happy now without me?
Or is she also waiting for me?

God, my Queen has evaded me.

What did I do to keep her hidin' from me?
I don't have faith in my choices
So I choose to listen to your voice.
I get lonely and desperate
So I'll do the ungodly for it.

But that's not what you said do.
I know I should have married only in you
And soon my course will be through
But at least I know I had the love of You!

Protect my heart please
And set my lonely mind at ease.
One day we'll find each other in true peace
But til then, Daddy, it'll be just you and me.

I know you're the one that knows
How many times I've cried...
How many times I've tried...
And how many times I foolishly lied.
Now my sins have multiplied
And my desire for more has died.

It's fair though, right?
I deserve to be lonely, right?
This is my time for me, right?
In my tears and prayers
That's what I asked for, right?
God, I just didn't know it would hurt this much.
From my head to my guts
I didn't know it would hurt so much.

But if I'll grow, I know,
That if I am to be better tomorrow,
I know,
That this dirt road of isolation is the way to go.
No more kisses. No more fights.
No more touches. No painful nights.

It's a new phase to life.
Time for me to stop exploring the past
I shoulda, coulda, wouldas
And make this life more than I
Ever thought I shoulda, coulda, or woulda.

Queenless doesn't mean
It's all meaningless.
Queenless means I finally
Have time to search for

The Diqtator's
Truest Inner Happiness.
After all,
I know after all I've been through,
To be happy means I've been blessed.

But, God, I still feel like she evaded me.
And I really just cant help blaming me.
Please, please help me
Get through this solitary reality.
It's not in my nature to be so far
From everybody-
Especially my family.

Don't let me go this alone.
I won't make it!
Why am I all alone?
It hurts
And it aint no fakin' it!
Can I get an antiseptic
Or something positively prophetic?

Oh well...

Nothing will stand between me
And this Neoetry.
My constant mental companion,
Daily savior,
And joyful odessey.

So even though I miss
My imaginary Queen
Where would I be without God
And His gift of poetry?

My Queen, if you can feel me,
Know that I am waiting.
Know that our future
I am contemplating.
Know that I forgive you
For evading me...

Quorizzzzzzzma

Dear Mommy....

Dear Mommy was written shortly after I found out that my daughter Nala was on the way. I was told of her creation as a birthday gift to me. A very unexpected gift indeed. I didnt know what to say. I was in a state of shock and disbelief. Disappointment and anxiety. I knew that by not having a real relationship with the mother that this was not going to be easy for either of us. But I also knew that there was a bundle of joy in Nature's Oven on its way to grace the world with her presence. I wondered what the baby would say if it could talk.....

Dear Mommy,

Hey, it's me!

You know,

Your baby to be.

Just wanted you to know

I'm doing splendidly

And I'm situated in your nest

Quite comfortably.

I cant wait to meet you

And lock eyes with you.

I already have so much

To be thankful for-

You are the only one

That could bring me through life's door.

I can hear your thoughts and prayers for me.

Prayers that I am healthy

And prayers that I will be happy.

Just keep praying for me-

We'll be together shortly.

Just keep begging God to protect and provide for me.

Right before I left heaven

He told me

He picked you especially

To be my mommy.

He said not to be worrying

But to keep praying, pushing, and praising...

We are going to have so much fun together.

Sometimes I might cause a little trouble

But that's why the Lord picked you as my teacher.

We have so many memories to create

And birthday cakes to bake

That I cant help but to Leap

Cuz I love you so much Mommy!!

Love,

Your baby to be...

P.S. See you soon!!

Quorizzzzzzzma

Tired

Can I get any more tired
Of being sick and tired?

Why do I keep drinking from the same well
Knowing good and well
That it's gonna taste stale?

This unnecessary aftertaste
Should be Heineken chased
And give me a change of pace.
Like Pepsi
I need a new taste.

Fresh water giving me sweet life
And flowing in the opposite direction
Of recurring grief and strife.

Will I get to switch the bouquet
From dandelions to roses
Just as night switches to day-
The end of which no one knows?

I believe in more than one kind of fresh air.
Air devoid of oxygen
But satisfying and rare.

I believe in night lights other than the stars
Guiding me through night and day.
Even through my walls their light reaches very far.

I often dream of walking through brand new forests
Like an ant traversing huge golf courses
And the moss gets greener and greener
And my sense of destiny grows keener and keener.

Far different from the looping expressway
Of doing the same thing everyday...

And not getting anywhere
Surrounded by mutual transients that just wont care....

Quorizzzzzzzma