Queen of Evasia 1

The year is 2004. The month is October. I'm alone. Brand new city two thousand miles from home. San Jose. No family. No friends. No girlfriend. So I did what any other writer would have done. I wrote. I wrote about my frustration with finding ALL the wrong people and never finding the right ONE but for SOME reason I keep having the feeling that I JUST missed her. Like she moved away from Memphis right when I got there in '97 or maybe she moved to SoCal when I got to San Jose in '04. Or maybe I had her and let her go... She is out there. She isnt happy cause she hasn't found me. But she knows I'm close too. We just haven't bumped into each other yet. Its like she is unintentionally evading me...like criminals evade police...and get away. This would be the first piece and, as I am still waiting for this "cosmic bump", I'm sure more will follow. I hope you enjoy Queen of Evasia: Part 1...

QUEEN OF EVASIA

PART ONE


God, my Queen has evaded me.
Is there really a Queen for me?
I don't think I ever met her.
Will we ever find each other?

I wanna love forever my Eve
But somehow I just get deceived.
My fault, Father? For real??
Tell me, how does she feel?
Is she happy now without me?
Or is she also waiting for me?

God, my Queen has evaded me.

What did I do to keep her hidin' from me?
I don't have faith in my choices
So I choose to listen to your voice.
I get lonely and desperate
So I'll do the ungodly for it.

But that's not what you said do.
I know I should have married only in you
And soon my course will be through
But at least I know I had the love of You!

Protect my heart please
And set my lonely mind at ease.
One day we'll find each other in true peace
But til then, Daddy, it'll be just you and me.

I know you're the one that knows
How many times I've cried...
How many times I've tried...
And how many times I foolishly lied.
Now my sins have multiplied
And my desire for more has died.

It's fair though, right?
I deserve to be lonely, right?
This is my time for me, right?
In my tears and prayers
That's what I asked for, right?
God, I just didn't know it would hurt this much.
From my head to my guts
I didn't know it would hurt so much.

But if I'll grow, I know,
That if I am to be better tomorrow,
I know,
That this dirt road of isolation is the way to go.
No more kisses. No more fights.
No more touches. No painful nights.

It's a new phase to life.
Time for me to stop exploring the past
I shoulda, coulda, wouldas
And make this life more than I
Ever thought I shoulda, coulda, or woulda.

Queenless doesn't mean
It's all meaningless.
Queenless means I finally
Have time to search for

The Diqtator's
Truest Inner Happiness.
After all,
I know after all I've been through,
To be happy means I've been blessed.

But, God, I still feel like she evaded me.
And I really just cant help blaming me.
Please, please help me
Get through this solitary reality.
It's not in my nature to be so far
From everybody-
Especially my family.

Don't let me go this alone.
I won't make it!
Why am I all alone?
It hurts
And it aint no fakin' it!
Can I get an antiseptic
Or something positively prophetic?

Oh well...

Nothing will stand between me
And this Neoetry.
My constant mental companion,
Daily savior,
And joyful odessey.

So even though I miss
My imaginary Queen
Where would I be without God
And His gift of poetry?

My Queen, if you can feel me,
Know that I am waiting.
Know that our future
I am contemplating.
Know that I forgive you
For evading me...

Quorizzzzzzzma